Shana, Concetta, Bill & Shelly's farewell to Candida EEEExtravaganza JUNE 2008

energy drink high

Last week i was mailed a box of guru energy drinks to test out. A friend of mine from vice told them i was cool or something! hey it worked, i felt flattered. we got 24 of these, and i shared. i didn't like the taste at first, but on Tuesday i went for it and had a whole can!

After i drank it - the feeling immediately registered and i was wired. it felt false, like a drug. from years of doing legal and illegal speed, cocaine and steroids i recognized the fake euphoria - it def brought back some memories. how quickly the mind remembers the high - i was addicted to it in all forms, like many of us who can't go without coffee.

but since i've been off stimulants for 6 months now, i got to see it's not as full and as liberating as the natural high after an intense 1.5 hr of yoga, a good sauna, 7 min of rapid breath work, meditating for a full hour without moving or on your 5th day of a fast. this high felt dirty and unbalanced; not sustainable. like when you're in free fall going down a roller coaster. it's invigorating and exciting, but you see the end just ahead and your body gets thrown around in the process - there are much safer ways to get that feeling.

alright alright, i have to be honest..i did like the side effects: loss of appetite, giggling at everything, outgoing, talked fast and got so much done at work! my boss joked and suggested i drink more. and i eliminated all day! yep, it had all the side effects of a stimulant. and i guess since i'm so clean combined with the ample guarana, it really felt like a line of coke.

SUCCESS

If you ever feel like you are dying...

listen to this song:

SUCCESS by Iggy Pop (Lust for Life)

sugar shock

oy I'm in berlin with my vegan friends and they took me to a bakery and well, when in berlin... so i indulged in vegan cherry pie with vegan whipped cream, vegan chocolates, vegan yoghurt, vegan cheesecake- so basically a whole lotta soy and sugar ugh. i'm like a fart machine with a steel colon. because i've been SO light, like on blended and juice and nori wrapped around vegetables and now this onslaught. ouch. it hurts. i tried to answer the craving worksheet, like what did i really want? and the answer was: vegan cherry pie with vegan whipped cream, vegan chocolates, vegan yoghurt, vegan cheesecake! No emotional response required. It was pure indulgence, pure enjoyment. I guess when you boil it down (Ok, Ok) it's that I wanted love and excitement and sweetness? No but really I missed all those yummy things, it's been SO long. and now the mission is- love my body no matter what. do not go into I FEEL FAT. Tomorrow is a new day and I can easily stay light. I have to stay light. I have been feeling (and lookin like) a million bucks so I MUST return to my light anti candida ways. Pray for me ya'all.

yankee doodle

Today I did a major recording session with a legendary guy, and it went really well. But there in his kitchen was a box of Yankee Doodles, you know, the black and white cupcakes and I simple love them. Well, my twisted mind loves them, my body and belly and highest self definitely do NOT. Anyway I checked the ingredients for animal products because that is my no-go bottom line, for ethical reasons (check out this 5 minute film please
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HeempD8cJDE)
I was at this stage willing to possibly "cheat" with sugar if there wasn't any animal suffering in there, but sure enough there was milk or egg solid or something. He had granola and nuts and raisins and I stuffed my face with them. Why? I guess I was nervous or I wanted more praise for my work (he did tell me I did a great job but I wanted him to be FREAKING OUT over my greatness ha ha.) But all in all I still feel great. I need to be simultaneously easy on myself and more disciplined. Because I don't want to beat myself up over this. Or the fact that I ate an entire jar of sundried tomatoes yesterday. Because I have been doing great in general, and I am so looking forward to having the whole month of august off and really being light light light like I was in June and getting back to how fantastic I felt.
I mean, I feel fantastic now, no future required.
After all, I AM fantastic!

Newsflash: ACCEPT!

Allow me to start this blog up again - fresh and ready to get this party started again! P.s. I miss everyone sharing/telling their stories!

I have been struggling with starting the juice fast... deciding to start- doing well the whole day and then crash into the coconut butter!!  today is a new day, right?  and after an amazing yoga class - i was in the shower and the word ACCEPTANCE came in really strong.  Accept, Heather! Accept where you are right now.  (Not, 10 pounds lighter!) but where you're at right now.  Oh My God...how much easier it is to just accept it.  WOW! Okay, i accept.