Mirror, Mirror...

Not to toot any horns...but if you hear any, it's the "humble change toot" that I am pulling in service to all that exists! Never in my time at this apartment have I seen my roomate purchase fruits or greens. And what do we see here, on his level labeled "ROOMIE"? Pears and Apples. I'm astonished, what an amazing thing. It makes me so happy to see this...each and every time I open the fridge door. I can see the reflection in the mirror start shifting sides. This is so crazy and I am amazed that I have even picked this as a topic to write about.

oops

I realized I posted that last one as "Shelly" because she was on my computer when we were in Canada together. I have to say we had so much in Canada and Shelly makes wicked blends. We were invited to some fancy dinner party and for one second we were considering it, but in the end we decided to stay in the hotel and make tomato soup and spinach soup, and she made a killer dessert with coconut butter and soy lecithin -and then she made applesauce which I ruined with this gross chai spice I have-and we laughed and had the best time. I think it's such a mistake to think that you miss out on ANYTHING when you are raw. That fancy dinner we were gonna go to was gonna be tons of people drinking in a loud club, with tons of meat on the plates and boring conversation. I've done it so many times because it's part of my job in a way, traveling and going out to eat with party promoters and I just don't do it anymore. I love staying in the hotel and blending and chilling out and doing yoga and meditating.
Fancy restaurants=who cares anymore???

sex and the city

Last night I went to the premiere of sex and the city. That’s me and Sarah Jessica Parker and my five thousand chins. And then a really good one of me and my mother, who I took with me. I just want to point out that photography can make anybody look shitty or amazing. As you can see from all the photos I put up here on this blog. Tabloids suck so hard because they just take really unflattering pictures of celebrities and then call them fat and do all kinds of mean horrible things like show an ass with a circle around it on the cover and write “Whose cellulite is that??? Find out on page 12!!!” The thing is, I am my own worst Tabloid. I stand in front of the mirror and pick myself apart like the meanest journalist. I am scared of getting more famous. I am only semi –sorta- famous to some sorta people and if I got more famous they would do that to me. And I definitely have cellulite. Rick the blood work guy says that if you dry brush your legs it gets rid of cellulite. So far, no it doesn’t. But let’s see after a year. I will do it forever and ever if it really works!
Anyway at the premiere it was fun. The women celebs (all the sex and the city girls, fergie, um, donald trump’s wife melania or whatever) are so tiny , I guess all size zeros. And I, at a size 8 (and sometimes I can do a 6 which is always exciting,) feel like a lumberjack next to them. I did practice my BOS and felt better and had a great time anyway though. I mean these things are such cirucus, all the celebrities and paparazzi and posing, you can’t really take it seriously.
But then there was a problem. There was free popcorn. And it’s very difficult for me to go to the movies without eating popcorn, even if it is a fancy premiere!! Add in the word “free” and I’m screwed. So I ate a lot of it and I forgot about how salty and gross it makes you feel afterwards. Had a salt hangover the next day and am flying nearly 20 hours to Australia, so that was REALLY smart to fly dehydrated. One of these days I am not gonna let my cravings control me, and that will be like seeing Jesus in person.

a RAWMODEL blog

Is it legal to copy and paste someone else's blog into your blog in order to share the blog? Well, I'm gonna do it - picture and all - ...this blog is from http://www.rawmodelcom.blogspot.com/. I enjoy Anthony's blogs a lot. He is informative, insightful and passionate with his path. This particular post speaks so clearly to how I am feeling right now...especially coming back home from being with family. I just had to post it to our blog!

As Raw Food Enthusiasts,
we have to be careful not to sound like
born-again Christians spreading the gospel.

Most people don't want to hear them,
and its likely that most people don't want to hear us either.

Sometimes I feel like I talk about it too much,
but then again, people ask me about it.

I really dont want to turn people off about it though,
so this is my quote for the day.

"What you DO speaks so loudly that no one will
ever hear a word you are saying."
-Emerson

I don't even want to talk about eating live foods to
people who aren't interested in the first place.
The whole reason why I started this website, and why
Im so enthusiastic about the living foods lifestyle is
because I have seen the results in my own life,
and Ive seen the results in others who have REALLY given
it an honest try without cheating a bunch,
and I want EVERYONE to feel this good and be this vibrant.

I became happier, leaner, and my mental clarity skyrocketed.
I want YOU to be raw because I want more raw brothers and sisters
here on this planet with me. That is my motivation.

I have nothing to sell you except ideas on how to improve your life.

Observe my results and make the decision for yourself.
If you want to keep eating cooked food, then that is totally cool.
I wont judge you or not be your friend. Just promise me
that you wont imagine that I AM silently judging you when we are
spending time together. I'M NOT. I really don't care anymore.

We are on a path of our own creation, and we will all
reach truth in our own special ways.
I'm simply a signpost...if you like the direction
that I'm pointing in, take a stroll down this path of life.
If not, I am here for you anyways...its all good.

We must not project the idea of the RAW CULT.
This notion is already present in the minds of
many of our friends, co-workers, and family members.
We would be better off just living our lives and keeping our
mouths shut about raw unless someone asks about it.

If they ask, give them two simple ideas.
"Every other animal in the wild eats RAW food, except us and our domesticated animals", and
VERY STRONG scientific evidence shows that we evolved for millions and millions
of years on an uncooked plant-based diet and only in the past 100,000 years
have we been eating some cooked food and it was always ALWAYS wild and organic.

Their subtle attacks are based on ignorance and fear,
so dont take it too seriously. People defend their diets more
than their religions...I kid you not.
People MAYBE go to church once a week,
but they take cooked communion 3 times a day.

SO...lets LIVE the truth...and let it speak for itself.

Here is to more RAW humans...

Anthony

Oh, My Mormor!

To my Mormor (Swedish for mother's mother). She is so beautiful and willing to learn and share with me on this raw trip. Mind you, my grandparents are pretty hip on the beginnings of the whole raw deal...Mormor loves her flax seeds and Morfar (mother's father) loves his smoothies in the vita-mix that they've had for ten years now (so I just learned). I feel so blessed to have the tools here, in Arizona, to make the juice and blends! Just recently, they had replaced their juicer and got the Omega Juicer. This morning was the first time we used it. I made green juice for us BUT, before we drank, we blessed the juice with that flying-fish-hands blessing. We shared a timeless moment this morning. As I was gathering the left over scraps and pulp, we were talking about composting. I told her that they could get one of those compost barrels and start making their own compost. Just before I was about to throw the left over green goodness away she said, "Well, why don't we start right now." We walked to the backyard and she mixed it into the ground dirt. "That felt good," she said, "I always feel guilty throwing away compost material." I gave her a huge hug. My grandparents, even though they have a sweet tooth and have tons of little devil sugar candies and cookies around, I love them for who they are. They are me and I am them...we are one! Unity is badass!

This is me and my boy on an airplane. He lives in Berlin and is coming to visit me on Monday. I have to say that my eating goes out the window when I am with him. Not totally out the window because I stay 80% raw but I tend to overeat and eat sweet things because he loves it so much and I feel powerless to not eat the sweets with him. But this time I totally resolve to stay 100% raw and not eat sugar. He has never been here since I have been raw so I wanna share it all with him. I am gonna take him to Pure and Quintessence and have the desserts and I guess (I know) I will be sharing them with him. The thing that sucks is that I am on day 6 of blended and I was gonna juice next week. So now I just have to make the commitment to stay LIGHT RAW. And juice and blended as much as possible. I do love this guy. I just wish we didn't fight so much. It does take two people to fight and boy do I have so much anger in me. He is my opportunity to cleanse, cleanse, cleanse this ego/fighting out of me.
I need to practice NON REACTIVITY.

get it out, get it out

These acidic days are crazy. I'm going crazy. My body is aching and I'm in search for the next toxic thing I can put in my body before my time is up. It was one thing after another. I was walking around finding all the possible things I could eat to get it out of my system. And now, I've done some good work because it's all in my system...all the things I wanted to get out of my system is now in my system and now i want them out...out...OUT!!! Oh thank god it's 1:32 in the A.M. It's over, thank god. I have a hard time sitting still...wanting to be with myself. I want to keep eating and at the same time know that I'd rather be juicing. Once you juice and you reach your high you want to get back to that level. I want to get all this toxic garbage out and I want to get my clarity back, my glow, my lightness, my calmness, my core...reaching within. I am committed, oh how so committed I am to bust through these chains and open my chest of gold.

V for Vipassana

So, It's been a little over a week since i've been back from Vipassana... and it seems like ages ago.  it actually doesn't even feel like i went at all.  it takes you so far out into the depths of yourself- surrounded by trees, rocks, birds- a total safe haven. and by the time you come back- you have know idea where you just came from- it's kind of a blur.  however i know a lot transpired. and you want to be able to put a finger on what exactly you "achieved" or "accomplished" by sitting with yourself for 11 hours a day- and that is next to near impossible. i often try to revisit those moments of calm quietness and clarity- especially being back in the city...and i find it wears off very fast if you don't stay up on the practice.  

Going into all of this i was thinking it would be a total zen pure blissed out- high in the sky- fluffy little clouds and puppies in prairies dancing with unicorns feeling.  and it didn't take long to figure out that it was everything BUT. (which i expected as well. ) yes, i did have some sweet, beautiful moments but most of all, it was diligent, hard work- NON STOP.  wow! how TRICKY/SNEAKY and  STUBBORN the mind REALLLY is.  It will try ANYTHING on you!!  and it was all so clear when you stop and observe it.  Oh Look, now it's playing dead...  observe the drool running down the right corner of your mouth and onto your chin.... as i am reminded to, "be alert, be attentive." Sometimes i would watch my mind go back and forth, jolting from one thought to the next for 45 minutes before it would even start to quiet down.  Almost like dealing with a screaming baby...it needs constant attention and love....you can't just slap the kid and run away...  you find out quickly what does and does not work.

Things calm down after a few days and you find the screaming and struggles lessen....  you become tolerable of sensations (particularly the "painful" ones) and you're able to see that if you face them head on- they're not so bad after all.  they too, pass.  just like the itch on your nose...  that everything rises and falls just so it can rise again to fall...and to actually witness these subtle realities within your body- is an eye opener on so many levels.   there is no need to react. it brings true meaning to the word, EQUANIMITY.  Something i never understood until experiencing it firsthand.  Vipassana has cracked my heart!  and i am so happy to share it with others.... especially my mother- who just signed up for the course in July!

www.dhamma.org

throwing out

I’m not sure what was harder: throwing out the Midol for period cramps or the Chanel face cream. Ooh I wanted it, I WANT IT, I MIGHT NEED IT! THAT WAS EXPENSIVE! AT LEAST GIVE IT AWAY! The voices were shouting. And the rice! I might need to cook it for someone! Or at least give it to some starving people!
Committing to not taking Advil/Midol/Cold medicine is SO intense for me but I am doing it. No more toxicity in this body. Learning how to manage pain is the biggest gift. My brother asked me incredulously – what do I do when I have a headache and I told him- take a bath, get a massage, do yoga, or just …wait. Sounds crazy right? If you were me, it would be crazy that I am able to do that right now. Me, who only needs to feel good good good at all times, and immediately.
I used to be addicted to codeine. Now I won't even take advil. WHO AM I?
Also my TV broke serendipitously, and I threw that out too. I am totally not buying into the system anymore! How bizarre of me. I love pop culture. Where did that go? And what about: The Simpsons, South Park, Flavor of Love? What about renting a movie and snuggling? NO. It’s a new life. I don’t want garbage in my house anymore. (Besides I consoled myself, I can always rent DVDS and watch on my computer!)
I don;t know though, maybe it's too extreme.
I kept a lot of my makeup though. Can’t throw that out because I am a performer. Am committing to buying organic makeup but can’t throw out my sparkly stuff yet.
Next to go: My pots and pans. Though this is a tough one so I haven’t done it yet. Now THAT’s a commitment!!

Hello Everyone,

I finaly join you today. I will keep you posted of what is happening transitioning from a raw food diet to a liquid diet (2 days away from my 7th week). I feel more alive than i have ever in my life and I am just in love with the world and cosmos. Loved to read all your post because it reminded me softly of all my experiences and how precious and expanding ALL of them are to me. I will share my fridge with you tomorrow and wil post a picture also so you will see those fadding away wrinkles.
It might take me sometime but I will find it.

Love and light,

nancy

May 3, 2008 Dusseldorf

This is not me on drugs. This is me on sugar. I used to look like that when I used to take drugs. I can't believe how puffy my eyes are and how gross I feel.
Oh oh my stomach! Help me! I ate baklava every night while in Egypt, lying to myself, saying oh, it’s made with honey not sugar (never mind the fact that it’s PASTRY, made probably with butter and most definitely eggs and everything NON VEGAN and most definitely white flour!) This is me after I ate the baklava for the 3rd night in the row. I felt completely hung over , my eyes were puffy and I was totally tired and depressed.
And just like when I used to drink and feel this hungover, sure enough I was like “I need more sugar” and ate nearly an entire tin of Halva (again, saying, oh it’s sesame seeds!) and by the end of this week eating like that, I was like definitely fuck it and ate 8 small cookies. And I have never had such bad diarrhea. It’s the weirdest kind- like huge cramps and pain and you run to the toilet expecting a lot, and a dribble comes out.
And it’s brown. My poo is always green or greenish black since being raw so I guess brown is the cooked food eater’s poo I don’t know. IT doesn’t help that I am fighting so bad with my guy N who I was with, and who was eating French fries and rice and bread and he is totally obsessed with desserts, going back sometimes 3 times from the buffet loaded up with dessert. We even got into a fight about me being raw-after I told him how happy it makes me, how alive and healthy I feel, how COMPLETELY different I feel- and this is how abusive he is- he said he didn’t see any difference in me, and what is so great about it anyway? He was eating two containers of French fries and a piece of pizza by the way. And then he said he thought the whole thing was a big money making scam in New York (referring to my $10 package of sunflower seed bread) and I freaked out and told him he was an idiot and rude and that we are completely different and I really really want to break up now and then got up to leave and he said- you see you always do that, walk away. And he’s right, I do this thing that my mother always did that is so frustrating- whenever anything gets difficult she shuts you down and walks away or hangs up or just becomes ice cold. But I left anyway and then thought, wow he is also right about this overpriced raw crap that I keep buying because I am so attached to food, specifically bread. I mean I am trying to see where he is right and he is often right but he is also damaged,but then when it is good with us it is SO GOOD. But please let me not do it anymore because I keep going back to him and fighting.
Meanwhile after that fight he totally agreed with me about how amazing raw food it, but he is worried I am getting too extreme. I really don't care. My yoga teacher told me that yogis always swim against the grain, in fact, that is their JOB.

I had my first green juice in a week today and I thought I would cry it was so good. I felt like it was cleaning me out. I can’t wait to come home and go on a juice fast and get this CRAP out of my body. And get this relationship out of my body too.