V for Vipassana

So, It's been a little over a week since i've been back from Vipassana... and it seems like ages ago.  it actually doesn't even feel like i went at all.  it takes you so far out into the depths of yourself- surrounded by trees, rocks, birds- a total safe haven. and by the time you come back- you have know idea where you just came from- it's kind of a blur.  however i know a lot transpired. and you want to be able to put a finger on what exactly you "achieved" or "accomplished" by sitting with yourself for 11 hours a day- and that is next to near impossible. i often try to revisit those moments of calm quietness and clarity- especially being back in the city...and i find it wears off very fast if you don't stay up on the practice.  

Going into all of this i was thinking it would be a total zen pure blissed out- high in the sky- fluffy little clouds and puppies in prairies dancing with unicorns feeling.  and it didn't take long to figure out that it was everything BUT. (which i expected as well. ) yes, i did have some sweet, beautiful moments but most of all, it was diligent, hard work- NON STOP.  wow! how TRICKY/SNEAKY and  STUBBORN the mind REALLLY is.  It will try ANYTHING on you!!  and it was all so clear when you stop and observe it.  Oh Look, now it's playing dead...  observe the drool running down the right corner of your mouth and onto your chin.... as i am reminded to, "be alert, be attentive." Sometimes i would watch my mind go back and forth, jolting from one thought to the next for 45 minutes before it would even start to quiet down.  Almost like dealing with a screaming baby...it needs constant attention and love....you can't just slap the kid and run away...  you find out quickly what does and does not work.

Things calm down after a few days and you find the screaming and struggles lessen....  you become tolerable of sensations (particularly the "painful" ones) and you're able to see that if you face them head on- they're not so bad after all.  they too, pass.  just like the itch on your nose...  that everything rises and falls just so it can rise again to fall...and to actually witness these subtle realities within your body- is an eye opener on so many levels.   there is no need to react. it brings true meaning to the word, EQUANIMITY.  Something i never understood until experiencing it firsthand.  Vipassana has cracked my heart!  and i am so happy to share it with others.... especially my mother- who just signed up for the course in July!

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