Finding Balance through Compassion

Well, it has been one of those weeks. Parts of me ignited by the joy of seeing old friends and family who have been in town visiting; parts of me taken down by the frustration and exhaustion of  doing the same old things and hoping for a different solution. It has been a week of indulgences, letting myself go, eating too much, not meditating enough. And there it is, in a nutshell, why not truly let myself go where the indulgence is embracing my connection to the truth of who I am and enjoying the vulnerability of being open; where it is not about "too much" and "not enough". Those old tapes only lead to more stuffing and avoiding, joyous times followed by huge landslides. I get down deep and then I run. I have been doing it for some time now, avoiding the breakthroughs because the old belief systems remain strong. It feels so insane that I might find comfort in the dis-ease. That is where I am at, seeing that and accepting it so that I can let go and break free because, guess what, the only person suffering from my old behavior is me. I don't want to feel restless and awkward, uncomfortable in my skin, that I need to hide until I have corrected my mistakes, unable to give love to others because I am fighting myself, far from the truth when it is so close. I want to take care of myself and treat myself with the same love that I would want others to experience. I want to eat what makes me feel good and be in harmony with food as a source of vitality and nutrition, rather than using it to indulge and treat myself. I want to accept where I am right now and the potential that I have to give and shine from that place. I want to continue to enjoy the people in my life and make deeper connections with the ones who I have only just met. I want to explore my creativity. I want to sing again and explore that part of myself that I have tucked away for too long. I want to laugh and play and put "control" to bed. I know that more challenges are ahead, but I embrace them as possibilities and teachers. I want to grow, to evolve, to become the change I wish for others. Life is too short to keep dragging myself down and there is far too much going on in the world to remain in this place. I ask for help on this path. Today I am embrace the light and make a commitment to being ever more conscious of my actions, considering the impact that they make not only on myself but on the rest of the world. I seek to find balance amidst the changing tides, to trust that my relationship to circumstances is what is most important. I aim my bow toward compassion. May it give me the strength to follow my own heart and share that joy and faith with others. I love you all! Have a beautiful, beautiful day!