It is about time to write a little on this blog. I thank all of you for inspiring me to pick up the bat and take a swing. Funny metaphor to choose but it feels appropriate as I am facing a lot of old pain, resentments and anger this month with my relationships, my liver and certain members of my family that I simply have chosen to excommunicate out of fear. I thought that desensitization was rough, but feeling this is a new one for me. Deep pockets of pain and a raw desire to get it all gone, just wanting to be clean. Wanting to let that little girl speak. And she does, she wants to scream and cry and ask for help. I almost feel split in two, seeing this raw spirit without a future and a past, this innocence that wants to be held and feel alive, that wants to take risks without worry and go on adventures, guided only by the heart; then, there is the identified one that has created a fortress around herself to hide the abuse, the pain and the neglect, here there is only the past and the fear that a happy future can never be. 

Just got back from a beautiful wedding. It was on Block Island. Absolutely stunning! But I woke up feeling lost and very alone, far from the reality of finding someone that I could take this journey with, someone that will love me without condition, simply for who I am, simply as that little girl, flowers in hand running on the ocean barefoot. 

It is hard not to enter the room of self sabotage, but more is being asked of me now and I am slowly taking steps toward facing what has been for so long hidden in a shroud of self-protection and fortitude. I am ready to write about my resentments. I am ready to voice my feelings. I am ready to face the truth of who I really am, by letting go of all the misidentifications and self-deceptions. I am ready to begin a love affair with who I am, as I am, a process of healing that hurts and makes me laugh all in the same moment. A celebration of life, long overdue. 

As we all know, it is a road that is hard to walk alone. I am blessed to have you all on the path. Thank you for your support, your laughter, your love, your honesty, your beauty, your experiences, your hearts, your light, your joy, your innocence. I love all of you!!!